I don’t need to prove that I am perfect

Piano is something I really like since my childhood, and being not given a chance to learn it made it more precious dream to me. To compensate my childhood dream, I started learning it in my late 30s.

I am advancing to grade 2 within a year , and my piano teacher kept telling that I am talented. However, I kept making mistakes in during public concert, as my hands were quivering so much that I couldn’t control them well on stage.

Digging down the root why I had stage panics, I found the reason is that instead of trying the deliverying the beauty of music to the audience, I focused too much on myself to be perfect and mistakeless.

It’s a habit since my childhood to prove to everyone that I am perfect. Being the second born and a girl in my family (in China), hearing the story from my mom that she almost decided for an abortion once she knew my sex, I always wanted to prove that I am the best for my parents, and everyone else.

Deeply I am unsecured. I wanted my parents and everyone ‘s acceptance and liking me. Since grade one in my primary school, I constantly ranked Top 1 at my class. “Studying machine” was what my classmates called me. I didn’t  play as much as other kids. I only show my parents and teachers what they like to see in me. Thank god this madness of being nothing but Top 1 finally ended after I got my Ph.D. In electrical and computer engineering in Canada. All I can say about my major is that my father chose it, and I am not passionate about it . However, it provided me a ticket to Canada and a good job. 

Now back to my piano performaning, I wanted to be the best student (again!!!) , and this caused me a lot of unnecessary pressure. 

I read this article online and what inspired me the most is the point 5 and 6 below.

I am sharing the tips here with you, and please let me know if you have other suggestions. Thanks!

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7 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Else

5. Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.
Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me! Look at me!” But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top. Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step. Don’t rush through your life and miss it. Forget where everyone else is in relation to you. This isn’t a race. You get there a little at a time, not all at once.
Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.
6. The path to all great things passes through failure.
You are an ever-changing work in progress. You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong. Screwing up is part of the process. Looking like a fool sometimes is the only way forward. If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth. You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way.
It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing. If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes. You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward. In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that reach their dreams. YOU can be one of them. 

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